He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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