I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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