no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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