Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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