Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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