Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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