so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
