I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
