Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize