he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just had sex on a roof
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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