wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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