It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
