u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
