I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
