I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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