and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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