I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
