So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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