gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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