Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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