i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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