I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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