I'm so fucking centered right now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
