Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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