Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
