just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
