On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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