How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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