I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
