you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
