You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize