I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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