you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
