we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
false alarm, still single
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
