Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
