then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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