Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
