remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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