dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
