You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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