driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
