3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
never play flip cup with pint glasses
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize