I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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