ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
