R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
