I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
