Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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