so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
