Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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