and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize