you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i came on her dog
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
