You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
