I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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