sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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