Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize