The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
