god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think i have two assholes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
