At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
