I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Randomize
