Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Im part way to drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize