Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
