You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I didn't notice because vodka
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
