I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
