And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
