Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize