Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
