Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
