all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
