guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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