We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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