He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
