a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
