Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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