He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
