This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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