Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
